Jokes
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- Start date
moreluck
golden ticket member
A Good Woman.....
A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.
One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer, leaving the husband extremely dejected.
The strong man asked him what he was going to do.
The husband answered, “This is a disaster. I don’t know where I’m going to find another woman of her caliber.”
A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.
One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer, leaving the husband extremely dejected.
The strong man asked him what he was going to do.
The husband answered, “This is a disaster. I don’t know where I’m going to find another woman of her caliber.”
moreluck
golden ticket member
Zebra Dies
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me
all of my days on earth.
Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him,
the zebra asked,'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes,
or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?
'The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are.
You are white with black stripes.' The zebra asked St. Peter,
'How do you know that for certain?' 'Because,' said St. Peter,
'If you were black with white stripes, God would have
said, 'You is what you is.'
WARNING! If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson
will be looking for your ass...
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me
all of my days on earth.
Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him,
the zebra asked,'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes,
or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?
'The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are.
You are white with black stripes.' The zebra asked St. Peter,
'How do you know that for certain?' 'Because,' said St. Peter,
'If you were black with white stripes, God would have
said, 'You is what you is.'
WARNING! If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson
will be looking for your ass...
moreluck
golden ticket member
Close to God..................
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
moreluck
golden ticket member
The Fish
A man was stopped by the fish and game-warden in Alberta recently. He had with him two buckets of fish. He was leaving Shaw's Point on Slave Lake, well known for its great fishing.
The fish and game warden asked the man: 'Do you have a license to catch all those fish?'
The man replied to the game warden: 'No, sir. These are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?' the warden replied.
'Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again.'
'That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!' was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: 'Here, I'll show you. It really works.'
'O.K. I've GOT to see this!' The game warden was curious now. The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' the man responded.
'When are you going to call them back?' The game warden prompted.
'Call who back?' The man asked.
'The FISH.' the warden said.
'What fish?' The man asked.
A man was stopped by the fish and game-warden in Alberta recently. He had with him two buckets of fish. He was leaving Shaw's Point on Slave Lake, well known for its great fishing.
The fish and game warden asked the man: 'Do you have a license to catch all those fish?'
The man replied to the game warden: 'No, sir. These are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?' the warden replied.
'Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again.'
'That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!' was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: 'Here, I'll show you. It really works.'
'O.K. I've GOT to see this!' The game warden was curious now. The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' the man responded.
'When are you going to call them back?' The game warden prompted.
'Call who back?' The man asked.
'The FISH.' the warden said.
'What fish?' The man asked.
moreluck
golden ticket member
"When I'm an Old Lady and Live With My Kids"
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, and bring so much happiness, just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, and I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, and when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat, I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, and when they get angry, I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
I'll sit close to the TV, I'll click through the channels, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, and play in the mud till the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
Author: UNKNOWN
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, and bring so much happiness, just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, and I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, and when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
When they cook dinner and call me to eat, I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, and when they get angry, I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
I'll sit close to the TV, I'll click through the channels, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, and play in the mud till the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
Author: UNKNOWN
moreluck
golden ticket member
Art Gallery
A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a naked women with only her private parts covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a naked women with only her private parts covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
