moreluck
golden ticket member
Ass-wipe DID come to mind !!
Jokes
- Thread starter DS
- Start date
moreluck
golden ticket member
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever..
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
Holy
, my dog is a democrat!
He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever..
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
Holy
, my dog is a democrat!
moreluck
golden ticket member
On t-shirts.......
I'm just here to establish an alibi !!
Yes, I know they pick on you at school and call you names, but you still have to go....you're the teacher!
Dear Algebra, stop asking me to find your X. She's not coming back !
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Roses are red.
So is bacon.
Poetry is hard.
Mmmmm bacon !
ALCOHOL.....because no good story starts with "So this one time I was eating a salad......"
I'm 94% sure I am going to die in a "running in flip-flops" incident.
I'm just here to establish an alibi !!
Yes, I know they pick on you at school and call you names, but you still have to go....you're the teacher!
Dear Algebra, stop asking me to find your X. She's not coming back !
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Roses are red.
So is bacon.
Poetry is hard.
Mmmmm bacon !
ALCOHOL.....because no good story starts with "So this one time I was eating a salad......"
I'm 94% sure I am going to die in a "running in flip-flops" incident.
moreluck
golden ticket member
I divide my year into two categories:
1) Football season
2) Severe depression
If you could read my mind you wouldn't be smiling.
If Zombies eat brains.....you're probably safe !
You can't spell awesome without 'me'.
I'm not always sarcastic - sometimes I'm sleeping.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
1) Football season
2) Severe depression
If you could read my mind you wouldn't be smiling.
If Zombies eat brains.....you're probably safe !
You can't spell awesome without 'me'.
I'm not always sarcastic - sometimes I'm sleeping.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
moreluck
golden ticket member
There are 3 kinds of people in the world. ..........those that are good at math and those that aren't.
Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.
It's OK if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons & electrons.....they forgot to mention morons !
My parents believed discipline makes kids into better people. ( I disproved that little theory)
Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.
It's OK if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons & electrons.....they forgot to mention morons !
My parents believed discipline makes kids into better people. ( I disproved that little theory)
moreluck
golden ticket member
T-Shirt sayings......
Listen & Silent have the same letters. Coincidence ?
Earth without 'art' is just "eh".
Keep clam and proofread.
'I' before 'E' except when eight feisty neighbors seize a surfeit of weighty heifers.
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Irony - the opposite of wrinkly.
Life would be infinitely better if piñatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.
On a door mat.......Doorbell broken. Yell "ding dong" really loud.
Listen & Silent have the same letters. Coincidence ?
Earth without 'art' is just "eh".
Keep clam and proofread.
'I' before 'E' except when eight feisty neighbors seize a surfeit of weighty heifers.
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Irony - the opposite of wrinkly.
Life would be infinitely better if piñatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.
On a door mat.......Doorbell broken. Yell "ding dong" really loud.
moreluck
golden ticket member
My theory on inertia has no momentum.
Dishonest golfers don't play the fairway.
Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
When I talk about computers I make my motherboard.
It's better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.
Mathematicians wear glasses because they improve division.
I regret not developing my photographic memory.
Dishonest golfers don't play the fairway.
Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
When I talk about computers I make my motherboard.
It's better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.
Mathematicians wear glasses because they improve division.
I regret not developing my photographic memory.
moreluck
golden ticket member
T-Shirt sayings.......
Being known as the "fun one" of the group is a good thing. (unless you're in prison)
I'm sorry I hurt your felings when I called you stupid. (I really thought you already knew)
I dream of a society where a chicken can cross the road without its motives questioned.
I've learned so much from my mistakes. I think I'll make a few more.
Rule of Math.....If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong.
Being known as the "fun one" of the group is a good thing. (unless you're in prison)
I'm sorry I hurt your felings when I called you stupid. (I really thought you already knew)
I dream of a society where a chicken can cross the road without its motives questioned.
I've learned so much from my mistakes. I think I'll make a few more.
Rule of Math.....If it seems easy, you're doing it wrong.
moreluck
golden ticket member
On his way to work, a business man regularly passed a beggar on a street corner. The beggar would always hold out one hand, and the businessman would usually give him a few coins. Then one morning, the businessman noticed that the beggar was holding out both hands.
"Why are you holding out both hands?"
"Well, sir," replied the beggar, "business has been so good that I decided to open another branch."
"Why are you holding out both hands?"
"Well, sir," replied the beggar, "business has been so good that I decided to open another branch."
moreluck
golden ticket member
T-Shirt sayings........
Marine Corps: When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed the next day !
Life is about balance: Just enough caffeine....just enough sugar.
I know just enough to be dangerous.
My food pyramid is made from beer cans.
I'm so far over the hill........ I've started up the next one.
Careful, or you'll end up in my novel.
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
Do the math.......count your blessings.
Marine Corps: When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed the next day !
Life is about balance: Just enough caffeine....just enough sugar.
I know just enough to be dangerous.
My food pyramid is made from beer cans.
I'm so far over the hill........ I've started up the next one.
Careful, or you'll end up in my novel.
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
Do the math.......count your blessings.
moreluck
golden ticket member
More T-Shirt Sayings.......
Here I am....now what are your other two wishes ?
Some people need a handle we can jiggle when their mouth won't stop running.
If you are agitated and confused, my work here is done.
Sarcasm: Just one more service I offer.
Drummers can't be beat !
Please take a moment to appreciate my vast knowledge & experience.
I tried to get over myself, but I'm jut too awesome.
Never underestimate the power of positive drinking.
Here I am....now what are your other two wishes ?
Some people need a handle we can jiggle when their mouth won't stop running.
If you are agitated and confused, my work here is done.
Sarcasm: Just one more service I offer.
Drummers can't be beat !
Please take a moment to appreciate my vast knowledge & experience.
I tried to get over myself, but I'm jut too awesome.
Never underestimate the power of positive drinking.
Dillacow
Moo
moreluck
golden ticket member
T-Shirt sayings..........
You're in luck. I can communicate with lower life forms.
Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.
Never underestimate the power of positive drinking.
You know that Social Security they keep taking out of your paycheck ? Well, it's going to me.
If you met my family, you'd understand.
Don't follow me, I'm lost.
You're in luck. I can communicate with lower life forms.
Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.
Never underestimate the power of positive drinking.
You know that Social Security they keep taking out of your paycheck ? Well, it's going to me.
If you met my family, you'd understand.
Don't follow me, I'm lost.
moreluck
golden ticket member
T-Shirt sayings......
It's not all about me.....but mostly it is.
If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect....why practice ??
I may not always be right but I am never wrong.
Your opinion is not part of the recipe.
Lord grant me patience because if you grant me strength I'm gonna punch somebody !
It's not all about me.....but mostly it is.
If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect....why practice ??
I may not always be right but I am never wrong.
Your opinion is not part of the recipe.
Lord grant me patience because if you grant me strength I'm gonna punch somebody !
moreluck
golden ticket member
George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?” Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?” Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
A joke is supposed to be funny. Calling the president's wife a whore is not funny.
