slaveofbigbrown
Well-Known Member
Wut do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
If the rubber breaks ure screwed
Sent using BrownCafe App
If the rubber breaks ure screwed
Sent using BrownCafe App
Jokes
- Thread starter DS
- Start date
moreluck
golden ticket member
New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge .
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper? plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the middle class version of looting.
New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge . New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper? plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the middle class version of looting.
New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place
moreluck
golden ticket member
We all fail sometimes, but there's something about failing with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless - and inventive - of students.
* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie.
* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
* Biology *
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
Answer: Early death
* Biology *
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
* Religious Studies *
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
* Physics *
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire
* Geography *
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
* Geography *
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
* Geography *
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark.
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
* History *
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie.
* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
* Biology *
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
Answer: Early death
* Biology *
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
* Religious Studies *
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
* Physics *
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire
* Geography *
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
* Geography *
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
* Geography *
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark.
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse
* History *
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
moreluck
golden ticket member
According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the
girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers...... And then there are educators! If Sister Mary ran for office I would vote for her!
Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the
girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers...... And then there are educators! If Sister Mary ran for office I would vote for her!
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
I think you may be confusing "joke" with "teaching moment".
moreluck
golden ticket member
Yeah, that's what I entered in the Search function........"teaching moments".............you're confused!!
moreluck
golden ticket member
How To Speak Southern Hah Tu Spek Suthun)
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
- Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
- Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw at age 65."TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
Please show me the punch line in your "joke".
HEFFERNAN
Huge Member
I think the daily cleaning of kissed mirror with toilet-water soaked squeegee was the punchline
moreluck
golden ticket member
Contact the person who actually wrote it if you want to question him/her.
Here's the site it came from......you find it yourself....
http://www.101funjokes.com/
moreluck
golden ticket member
In church I heard this sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just have to share it with
you:
"Dear Lord, This has been a tough four to five years. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. My favorite musician Michael Jackson. My favorite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse. My favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor. My favorite singer Whitney Houston. And now my favorite author Tom Clancy!
I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid.
Amen"
you:
"Dear Lord, This has been a tough four to five years. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. My favorite musician Michael Jackson. My favorite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse. My favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor. My favorite singer Whitney Houston. And now my favorite author Tom Clancy!
I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid.
Amen"
moreluck
golden ticket member
California
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
Texas
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.The buzzards eat the dead coyote.And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
Texas
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.The buzzards eat the dead coyote.And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
moreluck
golden ticket member
From the creative mind of Jonny Groves
- Synonym, n. A linguist's favorite spice on baked apples.
- Bide, v. Past tense of buy.
- Goad, v. Past tense of go.
- Octopus, n. A cat with eight legs.
- Catacomb, n. What a feline uses to straighten its hair.
- Medieval, adj. Not completely wicked.
- Biology, n. The scientific study of the number two.
- Atom, n. The first particle of the universe.
- Hole-in-One, n. What an amateur golfer gets when he reaches down to get his ball out of the up and his pants rip.
- Prophet, n. What a greedy religious organization ultimately desires (as opposed atheism, a non-prophet organization).
- Thesaurus, n. A dinosaur that studies words.
- Professor, n. Opposite of confessor.
- Phony, adj. Related to telephones.
- Silverfish, n. A precious fish that is not quite as good as a goldfish.
- Congress, n. The antonym of progress.
- Hamlet, n. A small pig.
- Tooth, adj. The ordinal number for two.
moreluck
golden ticket member
When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on the list was "comfortable underwear." Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she said. "If you smile, put them back."
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she said. "If you smile, put them back."
moreluck
golden ticket member
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! Q: How does one insult a mathematician? A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose? A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home? A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi!
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt! Q: How does one insult a mathematician? A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose? A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home? A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi!
moreluck
golden ticket member
At a recent family gathering, we borrowed a karaoke machine, and my daughter asked her 90-year-old grandmother what song she'd like to hear.
Her choice was “Unforgettable” by Nat “King” Cole. Three of us decided to give it a try.
Afterwards, my daughter wrapped her arms around her grandmother and said sweetly, “We sang that because we love you.” “And I listened because I love you!” was her grandmother's wry reply.
Her choice was “Unforgettable” by Nat “King” Cole. Three of us decided to give it a try.
Afterwards, my daughter wrapped her arms around her grandmother and said sweetly, “We sang that because we love you.” “And I listened because I love you!” was her grandmother's wry reply.
Operational needs
Virescit Vulnere Virtus
A WOMAN WALKS INTO AN ACCOUNTANT'S OFFICE AND TELLS HIM THAT SHE NEEDS TO FILE HER TAX RETURN.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks," What is your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let us try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I ' m a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised 650 roosters last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks," What is your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let us try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I ' m a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised 650 roosters last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
Operational needs
Virescit Vulnere Virtus
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole..!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story -
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole..!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story -
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
